The Version that Saved You
Dear Kitten,
Lately I’ve been sitting with this question:
“What versions of myself am I still trying to live up to, even when they no longer feel like mine?”
Maybe you’ve felt this too.
You build or create something. A rhythm. A career. A partnership. A way of showing up in the world that once felt so right. Maybe it even saved you. It could’ve helped you feel powerful, seen, or in control.
But one day, you realize you’re still performing that version of you… even though your heart has already outgrown it.
And here’s the truth that keeps echoing back:
Sometimes, the version of you that saved you… isn’t the one who will lead you forward.
We don’t talk enough about how hard it can be to let go of an identity that worked. That made sense at one point. That earned you love, success, or attention. Even when it starts to feel too tight, it can be hard to loosen your grip.
I’ve felt that tug in myself. A quiet ache to evolve without disappointing the past.
I can absolutely relate.
I feel like I am in time where I believe I have to always show up as the confident, sexy, curated version of myself. The woman who embodies empowerment. This role has given me so much, and it helps me become someone I needed.
But I’m no longer interested in staying only in that lane. I don’t think I ever only wanted that, but I created that shield to protect myself from showing the world the things I truly loved and cared about, but wasn’t ready to share yet.
I want softness. Playfulness. Power that doesn’t need to be performed.
And I’m learning how to honor it.
If you’re feeling this too, you’re not alone.
Here are a few questions I’ve been asking myself and maybe they’ll open something for you too:
Where in my life am I performing more than I’m connecting?
What part of me feels unseen because it doesn’t “fit” the version of me people expect?
What would I do differently if I didn’t feel like I had to explain myself?
What have I been afraid to outgrow, because I’m worried it defines me?
You don’t have to have all the answers.
Sometimes the first step is just naming the shift and trusting that it’s okay to want more, or different, or real.
Ask yourself:
What version of me am I still trying to live up to? And what would happen if I let her rest?
Xoxo,
Roxanne Ryan
