Make Rejection Your B*tch
Dear Friend,
I hope you’re doing well today. I wanted to share something personal with you that’s been on my mind lately. It’s about handling rejection and facing setbacks. I recently went through a situation that really got me thinking and I hope my reflections can offer some comfort or insight for you on your own personal journey.
I recently auditioned for a dance company as a returning veteran. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it this time around. I felt the rejection way before even receiving the email. I had messed up at the audition, and I couldn’t stop my mind from attacking me and forgetting the routine. I vividly remember a voice in my head saying “You are screwing this up” as I was dancing and it left me paralyzed. I couldn’t shake it. I felt foolish and embarrassed, angry because I let my mind get the best of me.
Although this truly hurt, I knew that that this was something that I needed to experience. The morning after I received the email, I was feeling the pang of disappointment. It was raining, which was fitting, and I decided to embrace it. I sat outside on my porch and decided to write about this experience and what I could take away from it. I knew that me not being apart this year was for the best, but that didn’t stop the twinge of pain that loomed over me. So I wanted to break that down, and understand it. It didn’t take me long until I realized that the pain took me right back to a heartbroken 12 year old me after not making the cheer team for her first year of junior high. That experience was tough, and I remember the feeling viscerally. But that experience pushed me into showing me how hard and dedicated I became for the sport, and came back with success for 10 years.
I understood that my pain of the rejection didn’t come from not feeling worthy, or enough even though my mind tried to falter to that. It tried to make me feel ashamed and that my students would look down upon me when I taught heels. But I knew that was far from the truth, especially considering how I have faced it before and I know the outcome. But when facing rejection, it is difficult to not instantly feel like you are less of a person because of others opinions, missed opportunities, being overlooked, or left in a relationship/peer group. And if I can tell you anything, YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.
What I found insanely invigorating in this experience, is that rejection, is often a spring board to something better. My fire and drive towards REVIVE, and Operation Goddess is greater than ever before from this. This rejection has allowed me to feel like I am on the right path ahead, even if some of it is unclear. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, so if you are or have ever faced a rejection that has left you feeling less and lost more than ever, let’s talk about WHY rejection hurts and HOW we can USE rejection.
Why Rejection Hurts
Rejection isn’t just a sting; it can feel like a real punch to the gut. Here’s why:
Biological Response:
Our brain interprets rejection similarly to physical pain, activating the same areas. That’s why the emotional hurt can feel so intense.
Survival and Social Bonds:
In ancient times, being part of a group was crucial for survival. Early humans relied on their tribes for protection, food, and support. Being rejected or ostracized from the group could mean losing these vital resources, which often led to severe consequences. Social acceptance ensured that individuals had a network for sharing resources and mutual protection, so rejection became associated with survival instincts.
Self-Worth:
It often shakes our sense of self-worth and makes us question our abilities. As social creatures, our self-worth is often tied to how we are perceived by others. Rejection can challenge our identity and self-esteem, leading to a fear of not being valued or loved.
Coping with Rejection
Here’s what’s helped me manage these feelings and might help you too:
Accept the Answer: Rejection is better than regret. A “No” is better than not knowing.
Distance Yourself: If the rejection comes through a text or email, step away from your devices and take a walk. If you’re in a public place, it’s okay to take a moment to breathe.
Embrace Your Emotions: Allow yourself to feel the disappointment but don’t let it control your actions. After my audition, I wanted to run out of that room and cry. As bad as I wanted to, I didn’t. I forced myself to go sit down and stay in the room and be respectful to the other participants. And simply for myself, I didn’t want to be the person to run away and hide. I wanted to own the mess up and not let it control me. Although it was hard to keep my emotions in check, I didn’t let it win. How you react is everything.
Find the Bigger Picture: Look beyond the immediate rejection. Focus on your long-term goals and what you can do next. What can you focus on now or more of BECAUSE of the rejection?
Explore New Interests: Sometimes a new hobby or activity can offer a fresh perspective and help you move forward.
Reflect and Learn: Use rejection as a chance to reflect on what you can improve. As much as it’s not fun to dive down into why something maybe didn’t happen for you, it’s MORE than useful in terms of helping you springboard forward towards your goals, dreams, or betterment.
As you navigate setbacks, remind yourself that rejection DOESN’T define your worth. Instead, it’s an opportunity to set new goals, celebrate strengths, and pursue what’s meant for you. Rejection can be a form of PROTECTION.
I am a firm believer that whatever happens, is MEANT to happen. Whether it’s to keep you safe from something, someone, or an experience, TRUST it. Even if it was something you really wanted, there is 100% something greater in store for you.
Set New Goals: Think about what you want to achieve next and focus on those goals.
Celebrate Your Strengths: Reflect on your achievements and what makes you unique.
Stay Connected: Keep up with our community! Opportunities often come from the connections we maintain.
September 1st the Goddess Community will be Launching! It will be $12 a month for the first 20 people.
See below for more info!
Thank you for being part of this wonderful community. I hope this message helps you see rejection as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block. I’m excited for what’s ahead and grateful for your support. Let’s keep moving forward together and make the most of every opportunity.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Xoxo,
Roxanne Ryan
